Life According to BJ

New Blog

2011-07-10T00:23:00.000-04:00

I will soon be transferring my blog to a new blog address. Actually, I already have, I just don't really have anything new on there yet. You can now read about my life (because, really, who doesn't want more of ME?) at http://bjmortie.wordpress.com/
So, yeah, I won't be updating the blog here anymore. Eventually, I'll probably delete it. Just not for awhile, in case old habits die hard and you all keep coming here just because it's what you've always done. I may transfer the Happy Apricots over to wordpress eventually, but for now I'm keeping that one on blogspot. See ya there!

What luck!

2011-06-17T14:53:00.001-04:00

I eased my car down the on-ramp and onto the highway. "Yeah, I'll probably get there right on time," I thought to myself, right before traffic suddenly slowed to 20 MPH (speed limit: 70 MPH). I caught a glimpse of police lights ahead but couldn't see anything else. As cars of frustrated drivers backed up in both lanes, I waited until the car next to me came up even with me. Then I rolled down my window and signaled to him to do the same.
"Can you see what's going on up there?" I called out once his window was down, too.
"Not really. Police lights and lots of rubberneckers," he yelled back.
"Yeah, that's about what I got."
He looked at me again. "Well. Since we're chatting, can I call you sometime? What's your number?"
I told him, pleased that I had worn my lucky green polo shirt and had actually done my hair this morning.
Just then, traffic started picking back up, so we waved goodbye to each other.
"I'll call you!" he said as he rolled up his window. I smiled my sweetest and most beautiful smile and gave him a double-thumbs up...

What do you mean, you don't believe me?

Okay, to tell you the truth, that is just what I would have LIKED to have happened. Unfortunately, I only have those manual roll-down windows, so I didn't feel comfortable reaching across to roll down my passenger-side window while driving. Sigh. Another chance gone by. Aw, he's probably married or something like that, anyway. Oh, well. Oh, and traffic did pick back up pretty soon. It was just a big cleaning van on the side of the road and a motorcycle cop. I don't know why it backed up traffic like that. Weird. Timing, I guess. And I did get to my meeting on time, so at least something still worked out. Who says things can't go my way?

What is it about junior high?

2011-06-10T22:13:00.000-04:00

Some fare better than others, but I still don't know how anyone gets through it with any semblance of self-esteem. I'm willing to bet that every person who has been there has at least one junior high story - a moment that marked them and changed them, if only slightly. This is one of mine:
I believe it was ninth grade, but it could have been eighth. As math class drew to a close, we picked up our books and gathered around the door, waiting for the bell to ring. We started out the door as soon as the sound reached our ears. As I took my first step, I felt myself being shoved from behind - not tossed with the sea of bodies exiting the classroom, but physically pushed by a single person. I looked up in time to see who had done it. And I promptly shoved him back. I wasn't just going to take that! Shoving girls around is not the way to win friends and influence people. As he turned, I didn't get the apology - or even the "oops" - that I was expecting. Instead, he said, "What a . . . yuck!" And then he walked away. My triumphant grin vanished. He wasn't impressed, or conscience-pricked, or even amused that I would shove him back. He was disgusted. Did I disgust all the boys in the school? Was this the word that everyone thought to themselves, silently, when I was around - only he had been startled enough to utter it out loud?
It's amazing what a moment can do to a person, if they let it. Well, I let it. For some reason, his words rang true (whether they were or not, I believed them). And for years, and sometimes even now, I took offense when someone (especially male) called me pretty, beautiful, cutie - all those words that build most girls up just seemed to re-open that wound for me. I couldn't take them seriously for fear that it really was just a joke.
That also may have been the moment that I stopped standing up for myself. After all, he didn't take it seriously. And it didn't do any good with the guy that stood in front of my locker every day, sometimes more than once, blocking my way (and mocking me) until I had thoroughly humiliated myself begging him to let me through. (The remote and extremely thin possibility that he might have actually been flirting with me is the only thing that keeps me sane through THAT memory. I hope I never know the truth.)
Why do some moments stay with us while others don't? Junior high was TWO YEARS of my life. There were many, many moments I could have remembered. And I don't know why a lot of the memories that I have, from all different times in my life, stand out. And not just the painful ones, either. Good times, funny times, exciting moments - yes, they were, but I'm sure there were others that I don't remember. Ah, who knows?
Here's one thing I do know: Even though I had these moments that affected me - shaped me, even - I am SO glad they don't determine me. No matter how old I am or how long I have lived in this shape, I am still free to choose how I want to be and how I want to act. It might take some time, or healing, or practice, or any number of things, but how I was then doesn't have to be how I am now.
And here's another thing: Maybe junior high ought to be banned.

"New" Insight

2011-05-13T20:32:00.000-04:00

This past Sunday, I made the switch from the singles branch to the regular or "family" ward. I had several reasons for doing it. It's not that I really needed "a good reason" for leaving the singles, but people kept asking me why. I'm meeting with my new bishop this Sunday, so I was pondering what to say in case he asks me. You know, just so I'll have SOMETHING to answer him. In contemplating the little things - the age difference between me and most of those who attend singles here, the difference in drive time (3 min. vs. 30), desire to go to church with families (oddly enough) - I realized that the main, underlying factor for my decision was simply my desire for change. I never realized before today how much of a change-craver I am (change-addict?). Well, I probably always knew it, to some extent.
I remember that, growing up, I used to periodically rearrange the furniture in my bedroom, just to feel like I had a new bedroom. Even when the dresser was taller than me, I would just push or pull one side at a time until we had reached our destination.
My cousin and I used to pick a new location every summer for our "playhouse" (I use the term lightly). I don't remember ever finishing one. It was the digging, and working, and piling, and stacking, and CREATING that we liked.
I don't love the moving process, but I'm always excited to get a new place. Love it, love it, love it.
I like to change up the driving routes I take - always looking for the faster way, or the way with the fewest lights, or the straightest way, or whichever goal I have in mind that day.
I'm sure there are more examples; I just can't think of them right now. (Amazingly, I never changed my major! See, I also have a stubborn streak.) But, anyway, the point is that realizing this has suddenly made a lot of my life make much more sense. Even knowing that I like to see new things and have new experiences, I wanted my life to be "stable." I was expected to (or expected myself to) go to college, get a job in my chosen field, get married, get a home, have kids and settle down. And I am happy about the things I did accomplish. I wanted to go to college for the education as well as preparation for employment (I never wanted a career). I'm grateful I've had the experience of working in music therapy. It is a great job. And renting an apartment does qualify as having a home.
But I've had this - I don't know what to call it - unhappiness (I guess) about my life in general. I haven't been able to reach many of these life "goals" I've had, and the ones I did reach were such a fight, such a struggle. It took me several years to get a steady music therapy job. This is the first apartment I've rented where I didn't have at least one roommate. It took me a long time to graduate from college. And so on. Anyway, it feels like I've been fighting so hard, putting so much energy and so many resources into building this "expected" life that I never did what I really wanted to do. I never lived like I really wanted to live. For example, I've always wanted to travel and see new places, but all my resources were going toward keeping an apartment, etc. I like to see and do new things and want to have new experiences but told myself I had to have a certain kind of job or experience - such as how I told myself for YEARS that I was a pianist, not a singer. I've been limiting myself and stifling my natural personality in many ways. It's no wonder that I've felt the way I have (which I won't attempt to describe) when I've been forcing myself to sometimes do the opposite of what my very personality is! Now, I know there are times when self-discipline is necessary, and even doing the opposite of our natural inclinations is necessary at times. However, I've been limiting myself a lot more than what is necessary. Now I am open to a lot more possibilities!

I don't know what to say.

2011-04-21T00:14:00.000-04:00

It happens to me a lot. I've been around to so many sides of it, I'm amazed it has any sides left. Maybe I'm afraid someone will make fun of me. Maybe I'm afraid I'll be misunderstood. Maybe I'm afraid I WILL be understood (and don't want to be held accountable for saying it). Sometimes I don't talk loud enough and have to repeat myself. That's annoying. Less energy to just keep quiet. Sometimes I know what I want to say but don't know which words to use. Sometimes I know exactly what to say, but by the time I have a chance, the conversation has moved on to a different topic. I hate that, too. I always wondered how some people know exactly when to open their mouths. I'd watch in amazement as the other people in the room (or even in the car!) would just naturally go back and forth, as if they knew right when the other person was going to breathe. But the other person wasn't upset that the first person jumped in, right in the middle of their thought - actually they acted like they were expecting it. I can kind of do it, now, if it's only me and one other person. Get a group, though, and I'm usually lost. Or then there's the theory that if I don't say much, the other people won't be able to judge my thoughts and beliefs. Or that if I do say something embarrassing, it's forgivable because I'm shy or just not very good at talking. Or maybe I'm just boring. Maybe I really, truly don't have anything to say. I guess that's bound to happen sometimes. There's no way for me to know about everything there is. But then it usually doesn't even occur to me to say something like, "Tell me more about that" or "I really don't know anything about..." or "How did you find out about..." Yeah. Words. They just fail me sometimes. So, I don't know if it's an image thing, or a language problem, or a social skills problem, or just a personality thing, or WHAT it is. Or maybe it's just an opportunity to listen. Sure, it's frustrating when I'm not able to share, but maybe I don't need to. At least, not every time I feel like it. I don't know. It's a mystery. Oh, and then there are the times when I actually AM able to speak, but I stutter or talk way too fast, so people can't understand me anyway. And then there are the times when it actually comes out the way I mean it to and then the other person argues with me. Is it even worth it? Sometimes I wonder. BUT, at least I CAN talk. I can get my thoughts out eventually. That is a blessing. So I guess this is just something else to work on.

It's in fashion...

2011-04-09T22:14:00.000-04:00

I'm one of those bird owners who got a bird without doing any research first. So I'm just learning as I go along. Well, I was at the pet store one day and saw a product called a "mineral block." You hang it in the cage, and the bird can rub its beak on it, trimming the beak and giving the bird some good minerals. So I got an orange one - it's made to look like a round orange slice - and hung it in Benny's cage. It hung there for months. I think he scraped his beak on it a couple times but ignored it for the most part... until this week, that is. Apparently, he decided it was time to attack that mineral block with everything he had. I went out to feed him one morning, and he had ground it completely to powder. But the best part was that, in the process, he had dyed his head orange.

Hee Hee! It looks so funny! I kinda like his punk rock look.

2011-04-05T02:09:00.000-04:00

Self-discipline: HOW do I get it?? I keep staying up way, way, way too late. And then I sleep in and don't get anything done in the morning. And then in the morning I say to myself, "I'm going to bed early tonight!" And do I go to bed early, or even on time? Nope! Not at all. And it happens with exercising, too. I sleep in and miss my exercise time. Once a month or so, I manage to fit it in when I get home from work, but mostly I just exercise on Saturdays. Not good. But at least I'm getting in once a week! That's more than I used to get. Sigh. I can set up all the schedules I want, but I don't know how to make myself follow through. That is the big mystery. It's weird. Most people get better as they get older, but I was a ton more disciplined when I was younger. In high school, I went to bed at a certain time and woke up early every day - without my mommy telling me to. I went to bed and got up on time in college, too, and even after college. But now... yeah, my self-discipline has eluded me. It's a tragedy. It really is. Well, I continue to seek, and eventually I may find. We will see. In the meantime, I will just focus on some of my more endearing qualities. I make great food.

Warning: Gloomy and Angry Venting. I call it glooming.

2011-03-28T21:34:00.001-04:00

I have two problems. The first one is a bad attitude. I am almost 30 years old, and I have been to a lot of wedding receptions and had a lot of friends get married over the years. And I am happy for all of them. I really am happy for them. I love the fact that they have found people they want to be with forever. It is wonderful. But, also, I am tired. I am tired of getting dressed up. I'm tired of buying presents. I'm tired of spending evenings being formal and standing in lines and mingling with people I don't know and won't see again and mostly are married themselves. I'm tired of being reminded that I am still by myself and have always been by myself and am yet in danger of hermit life. And I'm tired of wondering if a man will ever love me. I know that some of these thoughts belong in the same category as irrational fears, and I know this attitude keeps me from being as happy for other people as I could be. I know all this, and I'm dealing with it. Also I'm selfish. And I'm working on that, too.
My other problem is that I have a very, very, very hard time saying "no." I have improved; I'm a lot better than I used to be. But when someone is insistent, I tend to cave in. Then I get angry and frustrated. Kind of like I am right now.
On Sunday, the relief society president asked me to be in charge of throwing a bridal shower for the 19-year-old in our branch who is getting married in July. Now, our relief society president is married to one of the counselors in the branch presidency. She's in her sixties, and I'm assuming that this is the reason she didn't want to do it herself - it would be better coming from people closer to the bride's age. SO WHY DIDN'T SHE ASK SOMEONE CLOSER TO HER AGE?? Ok, she thought I was 27, not 29, but STILL! 27 is still old enough to be out-of-the-loop of the 19-year-old world, let alone all the other issues that come up for a lot of us, not just me. Grr. I'm frustrated that she would ask me when I'm so much older. And I'm frustrated that she would ask me when she knows that I'm dealing with so many life changes, myself. So, she pulled me aside on Sunday and said, "This person needs to have a bridal shower. Would you ask one of the other sisters to help you plan it, pick a date, find a place to have it. I can help behind the scenes with games or whatever. I just don't want it to be coming from me." I told her something to the effect that I agreed with her that she needs a bridal shower but that I didn't think I was the one to do it. I told her I didn't want to. I told her I hate bridal showers. I told her I had no experience planning bridal showers (which, amazingly, I don't). How many more polite (and even blunt) ways are there to say no?! But she just kept asking me! So finally I gave in, and I'm so frustrated that I didn't stand my ground. But what could I do? It's not fair for the girl not to have a bridal shower. But I really do hate them and DON'T want to do it. I asked a girl who really is one of her close friends to help me plan it. And she's really excited about it. But I still have a horrible attitude, and I'm dreading every bit of it. I don't think that's fair to the girl either. I guess if I just focus on the date and place and let the excited girl plan the details, maybe my bad attitude won't taint the shower. Oh, and tonight at FHE, the R.S. pres put her arm around me and asked what I'd decided. Did I talk to the person she'd suggested? Do I have a date yet? Do I have a place yet? She said it nicely, but I still felt like I was being interrogated. That did not lighten my mood, let me tell you. And, to make matters worse, I have no idea even how to come up with a place and time! My apartment is the only place I can think of that is even close to central, which means I'd have to be there (I hate bridal showers!). Or we could have it at the church, but then I'd have to call around, schedule the building, get the key, blah blah blah... And how do I pick a date? Am I magically supposed to know everyone's schedules? When do I talk to the girl about it? I guess soon, so I know her availability. Gah! I have too many things to concentrate on right now. This is killing me! I am seriously in tears right now, I am so stressed out. I am so frustrated. I am so furious. I hate feeling this way. I really can't take this right now, especially since I don't even know what I'm doing. I just can't. I really can't. I can't.

Plans

2011-03-25T18:46:00.001-04:00

It's funny to me that I made this decision just two days after writing my last post. Because what I'm about to describe sounds more than a little off-the-wall, even to me. But, yes, on March 13th, I decided what to do with my life, at least for the next couple of years. So. In about a year (probably April, possibly May), I'm going to leave Indiana to travel the country for awhile. I'm going to pick some places where I'd like to spend some time (not serve time, mind you - SPEND time) and just live in each place for awhile. I don't know how long yet. It depends on how much I like the place and what is going on for me there. Now, before you start raising your eyebrows at me and calling me words like "eccentric" or "extremist," I do have reasons for doing what I'm doing. First, I am just ready to be out of Fort Wayne. It is a nice town, and I do have a great job. However, I have very few people to spend time with, which makes it hard to find someone who's available. And I've been here almost four years without even prospects of finding someone to seriously date, so loneliness is pretty much all I see in my future here. So I'm getting out. Second, I do have a great job here. And I have been unable to find a job in Utah where I have family and other friends. So my only other option is "somewhere else," which is kind of a broad term. Before I moved to Fort Wayne, I didn't really know what it would be like. I didn't know how it would be socially or what the community would be like or any of that. I didn't find out until I had already made a long term commitment and moved here. And so I am going to do things differently this time - find out what the cities are really like, by really living there, before I do permanent-ish things like get an apartment lease or commit to a full-time job there (housing... job... yeah I'll talk about those later).  My third reason for uprooting myself in this way is simply: I want to see some country! I want to see and experience different cities and communities and areas of the country, so this is my perfect chance! It's total freedom to see what I want, when I want, for as long as I want.  So I am snagging this opportunity.
As for living expenses, that is part of the adventure, too. I'm doing my research right now on temp agencies that are nationwide. Other possibilities include substitute teaching, music teaching, maybe a little performing, maybe a summer camp or environmental center job. I'm still looking into all the possibilities. But the point is that there are possibilities. I will be able to support myself one way or another. For housing, some of the jobs (like the summer camp ones) offer housing/meals as part of their benefits.  For living arrangements at other times, I will find a contact person or group of people (through church or friends - or people my friends know) in the area ahead of time. They will be able to tell me if someone has a room for rent, or if someone will let me sleep on their couch, or if there is other short-term housing available in the city. I will work it out before I get to the city, or at least know what I am doing before I get there.
This is not a spur-of-the-moment, whimsical journey I'm taking to wherever the wind blows me. No, like I said, I am giving myself a year to work out the details: what cities to visit, what time of year to be in each area, what jobs are available and when, who to contact, what kind of transportation to use. I will be talking to the professionals in my life to find out where and how to get dental, medical, and eye care. I will have insurance. Depending on how long I am in an area, I may rent a post office box. I will be aware of my expenses and live on a budget. Another reason I am giving myself a year is so that I can pay off my car and then save up money so I will have a cushion for this trip. I will be well-prepared. My plans will be flexible, but I will still be well-prepared. Also, I will be taking this year to sell or give away most of my things.
I don't even know how to describe how excited I am about seeing all these new places and experiencing them deeply. I am excited for the experiences I will have and all the new people I will meet. I am also excited about the variety of work experience I will get and just for the whole adventure of it - all of it. I feel like I'm starting a fresh new life, and I can hardly wait!
Oh! And, yes, I will still be writing about the Happy Apricots!

2011-03-11T12:31:00.000-05:00

This has been on my mind for several weeks now:
I used to get a little bit judgmental of so-called eccentric people. I probably still do more than I like to admit. However, I'm starting to appreciate these people more, even admire them, and to understand more about their role in society. I've always wondered how someone, or a group of people, could feel so strongly about something that they do things like protest, boycott, make signs, send mass letters and emails, march, go on strike, and all those things I see in news reports and such. I, too, have done some of these things, but I'm talking about those people who go all out, with the t-shirts and painting their faces and chanting/shouting and all that. And even those who are more peaceful about it but just never give up. I knew they were brave, but I also had a hard time seeing how their lives could be so much about that one vision, that one issue, only (this was my perception, of course). Couldn't they just, you know, go about their lives? And I'm not explaining it very well, but there is a difference between believing in a cause, supporting it, and making your life's work to be about forcefully convincing everyone else to be as passionate about it as you are. I think that one of my issues with the "extremists" (that might be too strong of a word, but I didn't know what else to use) is that often their vision required too much of a shift for me. I couldn't see myself going as far as what they had in mind, even if their position was something I agreed with to an extent. But I have a slightly different opinion now. I'm passionate about a lot of things, but I don't see myself marching or living in seclusion for months or pasting protest signs on offices or any of those "crazy" things I've heard of people doing. Not to say I would never do anything - I just don't see myself as a person who has that kind of passion. And that's okay. My role is to seek balance. But I'm also of the opinion that if society didn't have people with extreme views like that, then society probably wouldn't have any vision at all. If everyone was like me, what would get done? I think that it's necessary to have people who want us to go farther than we want to go in order for us to get where we want to be. It takes people who are willing to push and prod and disrupt and cause discomfort in order for society to progress. There are definitely things about the world that are better than they used to be. There are definitely things that could use change. If no one brought attention to them and worked to change them, how would they change. I used to wonder why people were so strong about taking sides on an issue. I'm starting to get it now. We have to get clear on what we want and what we don't want. Until that happens, we're not going to move. And so I do admire those who take a stand. And I also admire those who do more than take a stand. Because we don't want to just stand there forever. We want our world to be the best that it can be, and that does take motion. I don't know if this makes sense. Ask me if I didn't explain something well or if you couldn't grasp what I was saying.

2011-02-27T11:21:00.000-05:00

Last night I shone my cell phone light across my bed covers, pretending it was firelight. I suppose I could turn on the heater in my bedroom... but it's almost March... Besides, once I actually get under my blankets I get warm and toasty pretty fast. It's just the matter of getting into them that gives me trouble. Oh, the things we do to lower our electric bill. But on the bright side, it gave me an excuse to use the word "firelight."

YES!!!

2011-02-23T00:41:00.000-05:00

Some of my friends may remember me mentioning a little experience I had a few months ago. I don't even remember how long ago it was - probably last fall sometime. Anyway, I don't think I said anything about it here, so I'll explain it briefly now. I was at work, setting up for one of my clients. As I passed through the room, I saw what I thought was a book. The title was "Happy Apricots," and it even had a picture of two smiling apricots on the cover (they looked a little like the fruit from "The Little Engine That Could," if you've read that one). The thing is, I continued setting up, and when I looked back to where I thought I saw the book, it had vanished. I couldn't find it in the room anywhere, and nobody knew what I was talking about. Apparently it wasn't real. So, I jokingly remarked to a few people that I was going to write this book. I loved writing stories when I was younger. But as I began the story, I just didn't have any story. I couldn't think of any plot at all. I was really disappointed, until a friend of mine sort of planted an idea in my head. She pointed me to one of her favorite websites for inspiration, and that's when I got the idea that I could start another blog. This one would be dedicated just to the Happy Apricots. I could write short stories or even just paragraphs. I could have more than one story going. I wouldn't have to stick to one plot. I could start or end plots at will. The more I thought about it, the more excited I became. And so, I bring you: The Happy Apricots website! Yahoo! Here is the address: http://thehappyapricots.blogspot.com/. I will still write on this blog about my personal life, but I'm going to let my imagination run wild on the other one! Hooray!

The Car Next Door

2011-02-07T23:01:00.002-05:00

     One of the features that sold me on the apartment complex where I now live is that each apartment has an assigned parking space. And the assigned parking space is right in front of the apartment. I love knowing that I'll have a place to park each night when I get home from work. I also love knowing that I can walk out of my apartment in the morning and just walk a few steps to my car. Aah, convenience. In addition, there are several "visitor" parking spaces in front of the building, between some of the assigned apartment spaces.
     When I first moved in last June, I noticed that there was a green car parked in the visitor space right next to my parking space. I assumed it was the neighbor's, as the neighbors on the other side of me have 2 cars and so use their assigned space plus a visitor space. As the days wore on, though, I never saw anyone getting in or out of the car. In fact, the car never went anywhere. In fact, the car has still never MOVED, since before I moved in last June. I know this because I come and go at all times during the day, and the car is always there. At first I thought maybe the owner worked graveyard shift or something, which would explain why I never saw anyone using the car. But then my next door neighbor moved out. And then a new next door neighbor moved in. And the car is STILL there.
     Why am I so obsessed about this car? Because it's in MY visitor spot, that's why.  MY visitors have to park at the end of the row or else over at the office instead of conveniently near my apartment. Not that I have that many visitors, but still... it's the principle of the thing. There is also the mystery factor. Who is the owner of this car? What happened to it? Did the transmission go out? Is it abandoned?  What is the owner doing, backpacking through Europe? Or are they in witness protection with a brand new car? Has anyone besides me noticed that this car never goes anywhere? Does anyone know who it belongs to?
     Well, this last week we had a fairly significant couple of snow storms come through F-Dub. And the obnoxiously inconvenient parking space blocker became a somewhat humorous car-shaped snow creature. So instead of shaking my head, for once, I laughed at it. And I took some pictures. Because I believe in sharing joy and happiness.

You can tell it never goes anywhere, because it got completely covered and still hasn't been cleaned off. I don't know, I guess I'm just curious. I want to know the story behind this car!

* Update * Apparently one of the other tenants notified the leasing office and/or the city. When I got home from work today, the car was gone! It's actually kind of weird because I got so used to looking at the car, and now it's just an empty parking space. I'm glad, though.

Faith

2011-02-06T23:22:00.000-05:00

I had a revelation today. To preface, for anyone who didn't know, God saved my life last fall. I won't go into details except to say that I was extremely ill, and God healed me. Completely. I have been whole for 5 months now. At the time, amidst my feelings of gratitude, I wondered why. I know many others who have not been healed from this, and I wondered what the purpose was, or the lesson I was meant to learn from being healed. Finally I just let go and let myself be grateful, assuming that God would show me in time if I was meant to see. I did learn more about how powerful He is. Knowing that God is all-powerful is different from realizing, which is what I finally did a little of during this experience. I learned about my faith and the faith of those around me who were praying for me (to name one, my mother). I gained a greater appreciation and understanding of God's love for me - and not just His love, but his care, as well as how much He knows me as an individual. But it wasn't until tonight that I realized how much it had strengthened my faith, my belief, and my love for God. And it was amazing how minor the epiphany was! This was all: I just realized that I wasn't fretting about my problems the way I normally would be. That's it! But there was SUCH great power in that thought, and behind that thought. God loves me and cares for me so much that He healed me, so of course I'm not alone. God has a purpose for my life, so of course I'm going to make it through my financial setbacks and be just fine. God saved my life, so of course He's going to strengthen me in my church service. He will show me the way to do all of it - health, work, church, finances, friendship - everything. And there is no reason to worry about any of it. If I focus, work, and trust, God will get me through. He will. He loves me and wants me to make it - and so I will.

Got spam?

2011-02-04T13:20:00.004-05:00

I've been super annoyed lately that not only am I getting spam in my email inbox, but they are using friends' email addresses to send it to me. It's bad enough to get an advertisement for something I don't want, but this is just insulting. And it got me thinking (this is the part where you either pump your fist in the air or put your face in your hands and shake your head). What do spammers and hackers do when they're not spamming or hacking (that's infiltrating others' accounts, not coughing violently)? Even if it's random emails going out to a computer generated list, someone had to have written the computer code, right? So, do they have any kind of personal life? Do they have friends or family? Would they still have friends if they told them what they did for a living?

What would that conversation be like on a date?

"... and that's why I teach children how to dance. What do you do for work?"

"I, uh... it's just basically like office work. Really boring."

"What kind of office work?"

"Emails, mostly. Sometimes I write different computer codes to send in the emails."

"Like what?"

"Like, links to fake deals. Ads for stuff people don't want. Viruses."

* Crickets *

And how do they get these kinds of jobs, anyway? Because they spammed HR with their résumé? I'll give 'em one for creativity, if that's the case.
Anyway.
In these tough economic times (or any times, actually), I wish everyone the best employment and job security they can get. Except I wish spammers to get a different job. The end.

Thoughts

2011-01-21T23:24:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've started becoming more interested in writing. This is different than actually doing more writing. When I say "interested," what I mean is that I'm having more thoughts like, "I should write an essay about that," or "writing a book would be a worthwhile pastime," or, my favorite, "I need to write those reports for work!" Also, don't confuse interest with skill. I could say the same about my "interest" in juggling.

But there are a couple of essays I was actually serious about writing, which I will share. Because I'm nice like that. I will share the first one here. The second one I will share in a later post because I haven't actually written it yet. But I'm serious about it. And that's kind of weird, because I usually hated writing assignments for school, even the "fun" ones. I suppose the difference is that I feel strongly about these topics, have no deadline here, will not be graded, and am not feeling imposed upon to do these. And THAT is the power of choice, my friends. Anyway, enough dawdling. This intro is going to end up being longer than the actual essay. When I posted this to Facebook, I called it "Don't Judge." I'm not completely happy with the title, but it's all I could come up with. Suggestions would be welcome. I wrote it in October when there was so much anguish over the bullying, etc., and I could just feel a lot of animosity rolling around everywhere. Well, here it is:

I may not be the 'type' of person you might expect to hear from regarding equality. I am white. I am straight. I am female. I am Christian. These are some of my labels. There are more things you would find out about me (likes, dislikes, interests, talents, abilities) if you got to know me. Aside from occasional mild teasing in the past, feelings of social awkwardness, and once being the victim of sexual assault, my life has been relatively conflict-free. Other than these few things, I have never been personally attacked, bullied, or persecuted, or anything like that. Some might say that I don't know "what it's like," and this would be true. However, I believe that I don't have to 'know what you're going through' in order to respect you. I don't have to be part of any group in order to value or at least honor their presence or contribution. I don't have to take a side on an issue in order to respect or honor the people who are speaking. I'm not saying I never have opinions; I just don't see them as a necessity in every situation. What I do believe is that I can give a person the respect, honor, and value they deserve whether or not their personal lifestyle, political views, or social ideals would work for me in my life. I can value what you (yes, you!) have to offer regardless of your race, gender, religion, political party, sexual orientation, or music preferences. I believe that the fact that you were born is proof that your life is valuable and that you deserve love and respect. These are the things I believe. Please respect me whether you agree with them or not. Thank you.

Experiences

2011-01-21T22:59:00.003-05:00

Where have I been?!! Around. I haven't been off on grand adventures or anything like that, although that would have been a great excuse for my lack of blog posting of late. I've mostly been up to my usual routine: Work, sleep, eat, veg, visit Ohio, sit at home, work. Stuff like that.

I will now summarize the last 6+ months of my life as briefly as possible. Since the last time I posted, I have experienced: moving into my first single (me only!) apartment. A family trip to New York (Niagara Falls, Thousand Islands). Meeting up with an old friend. A miraculous healing. The (seeming) loss of a friendship. A visit from my mom. Falling in love with red pandas (hey, at least there is love in my life). Thanksgiving with my cousin's in-laws (just how many people can claim THAT?). A new calling at church. A bus trip to the temple. My first Christmas away from my family (but with wonderful friends who treat me like family). The death of a client. A great New Year's party that helped me heal. An earthquake. And many more moments of growth, laughter, loneliness, love, tears, and LIFE! But I just went to work a lot, too.

The PROOF

2010-06-16T17:12:00.006-04:00

I have two fabulous pictures to show you.

This first one is RB after he took off from my car a couple of weeks ago:

It's kind of tiny, I know. The red speck on the center stump is him.

Here is the one I took today:

There he is ON my car! It's kind of funny - I waited for 20 minutes or so and thought he wasn't going to come today. Then just as I had that thought, BAM! He was tapping on my back window. Eventually he made his way up to the front here.

He is a summer tanager.

Another Idea

2010-06-02T00:08:00.003-04:00

Wouldn't it be fun if vending machines had "surprise me" buttons?! They would work as follows: the person drops in the money and pushes the "surprise me" button, the vending machine makes a random selection from the items at that price, and voila (that's a little French term I decided to throw in there). So that's my idea. Now if only we could get vending machine prices lowered...

Red Bird

2010-06-01T23:52:00.002-04:00

My cousin suggested that I blog about my most recent bird experience, so here goes. (In other words, this post is HER fault). :)

This happened probably about a week ago. I had a break at work, and drove to a grove of trees I knew in an attempt to get out of the blazing sun. Yes, it really was blazing. And the grove of trees did very little. But I am glad I went there. As soon as I parked my car, the red bird (hereafter "RB") swooped right across the top of my car. It was completely red and looked almost tropical. Anyway, he stayed nearby for the entire time I was there, which was something like 45 minutes. I could see him in my side mirror, or he was in the tree right in front of me, or he flew to a post I could see from my window. And he didn't fly away when I opened my car door. It was actually quite the special experience. As cheesy as it may sound, it was kind of like having someone watching over me; just another witness of how much God knows me and cares about me. Toward the end of my stay at the grove, RB flew over to my passenger-side window and perched there, looked at me, and tapped on the glass a couple of times. Wondering how much contact he would tolerate, I reached over to roll down the window, but this scared him away. But he just flew to another stump and started singing at me (at least, I like to think it was for me). As I drove away, I stopped my car near him and rolled down the window. I even made noises at him for a little bit. He didn't budge. It was so amazing!

So, yes, cute animals get to me, especially when they are even somewhat friendly. And I think birds are beautiful. Except for pigeons. And a couple of others, probably. But, in general, birds are pretty cool. And, RB and I are friends 4-evah!

2010-05-30T20:09:00.003-04:00

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable." --Joseph Addison

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." --Guillaume Apollinaire

Me and my crazy ideas

2010-05-20T20:20:00.002-04:00

I've decided to learn French. I don't know why. It just sounded like a good idea. I've never taken any classes or even had any interest before. But now I do. We'll see how long my willpower lasts. Sometimes I get an idea and then forget about it. But I'm at least going to give it a shot. Wish me luck!

I dreamed a dream...

2010-05-09T23:34:00.002-04:00

All of these graduations and such this time of year have got me either really reminiscent or very grateful that I'm done with school. I'm not sure which. However, I did have a dream the other night that gave me a clue:

I dreamed that I had decided to go back to college, at Ricks (which is no longer Ricks in real life, but it was in my dream, so we'll go with it). When I got to my apartment, two of the beds had been set up in the living room because, apparently, that pair of roommates had decided that they liked sleeping in the living room better than their bedroom. And then, the way the one roommate talked to me was super cheerful and forward. Don't mistake me, I have nothing against cheerful people, but this one was like "I just met you, but I already know everything about you and I'm going to act like we've been friends for years but secretly I know we'll never be friends." Um, that's the best I can remember the feeling. Anyway. So I had this interaction with a couple of my roommates. And then my dream self added all this to the fact that I've been out of college for quite some time now. And I'm pretty happy with my life without all of the class schedules, and the homework, and the pressure.... So then my dream self started screaming, inside her head, "Nevermind, I don't want to go back to college!!!" So I told my roommates I was leaving. They acted really sad and disappointed. But inside they were probably celebrating being able to keep their beds in the living room. And then the apartment complex would only give me $135 of my $450 back. I have no idea where I got those numbers from. Possibly they are significant to the lottery somehow? Or maybe there's a sale going on? But, anyway, I took my $135 and skipped town. I was NOT up for any part of that life.

But, really, I have been praying lately about what to do with my life. I'm happy where I am, but I want to move closer to home sometime. I have a satisfactory professional and financial life here, and my independence is increasing, but socially and personally I feel kind of stuck. If it weren't for the Jones family and a couple of other people, I would feel extremely isolated. But I'm not sure if moving is the answer, either. So I'm glad to know one thing that is NOT the answer for me. I will cross college RIGHT off my list. Or, since it wasn't really on there to begin with, I will refrain from adding it to my list. And I'll keep pondering the question. Somewhere I'll find some way to straighten up and make something of my life. Until then, maybe I'll just keep writing about my dreams. Yeah, that sounds like a good place to start.

Confused

2010-02-08T22:17:00.002-05:00

I woke up today in a fog of confusion. At least, that's the best word I have for it. I just couldn't figure anything out. I was lucid enough to function and work, but I just felt weird and kind of disoriented all day. Don't worry; it was all in my head. Really. My head was tired, but my body wasn't (I still took a nap though). I was going to write some more stuff about it, but I'm getting confused again, and I can't remember what it was going to be. So I'm going to bed now. Good night, dear world, good night. I will talk to you again in happier times. Saner times. That is all. Send my love to everyone. Rest well, and be well. The end.

News Flash

2010-02-01T22:35:00.002-05:00

I liked the spaghetti topping I made with my chopped clams so much that I bought MORE clams so I can make it again! Also, work and church callings are keeping me very busy right now. WOW! Oh, well, better than being bored. Ok!

Big Day

2009-12-14T22:50:00.007-05:00

This is my brother, Darrin:

Wasn't he cute?! It seems like only yesterday he was learning to walk, to talk, to feed himself . . .

Well, he has since grown up, joined the army, traveled the world (ok, the U.S. and Iraq), met a girl, and . . .

He married her!!!!!

Yep, this weekend they tied the knot. It is so strange that my little brother is a married man. It is so strange that I have a sister-in-law. That I am a sister-in-law. I love Katie, and I am happy for them. It's just surreal.

What an exciting time for them!

Stay happy!

Favorite Thanksgiving Weekend Moments: 2009

2009-11-30T12:56:00.003-05:00

[I know, I know. This is almost a week late. I'm still a good person.]

This year I spent Thanksgiving weekend in Kentucky at my cousin Trina's. I rode down with her brother, Kirk, and his family, who live in Ohio. I'm just going to give some highlights here. These are in no particular order.

Staying at Trina & Doug's amazing house.
Watching movies in the "theater room."
Playing Stratego for the first time in YEARS. A couple of games about did me in, but I still love that game.
We went to Walmart Friday night to get a movie and some other stuff. As we were leaving, we saw a limo parked in front of the store. "Why would someone rent a limo and then go to Walmart?" asked Trina. My best answer? Because it's Kentucky
Sunday afternoon we were visiting at Kirk & Melanie's. The 2 younger kids were taking naps. The two older girls were wrestling in the living room. Kirk joined in a little bit and then as he sat watching them, Melanie says, "Nice quiet activity. I thought this was supposed to be quiet time." Kirk: "Yeah, but it's funny though." [looks at Melanie] "Isn't it funny?"
Practiced some of my music therapy with some of the neighbor kids Trina was babysitting. It was amazing.
Trina's daughter sporting a full beard and moustache (drawn on with makeup). Her older sister's reply: "I don't know. She just asked for a moustache. So I went all out and gave her a beard, too."
I got to hold the baby! (Okay, he's a year old. But still I got to hold him! A lot!)

It was just so great to be with family on Thanksgiving. It has been several years for me, and it was a very sweet experience. It's so nice to just relax with people I know so well. THANK YOU!

Cooking Exercise Tips by B.J.

2009-11-20T22:53:00.006-05:00

Hello and welcome to Cooking With B.J.! Have you ever wished you could burn those extra calories BEFORE they're eaten? Do you want to do more workouts at home, getting stronger WITHOUT going to the gym? Ever wished you could save time by exercising while you're doing something you already do, such as . . . cooking? Well, today is your lucky day! That's because today we're talking about simple exercises we can do right in the kitchen while preparing food. Let's get started!

First off is the Sauce Stir. Just as the title suggests, this is performed while stirring a sauce. Now, one thing most people don't think to do is to put the saucepan on one of the BACK burners. This forces the cook to keep her arm more straight and suspended, thereby working more of her arm muscles. Include some heel lifts (standing on tiptoe), some knee bends, or a little hippy-shake while stirring to add more muscle groups to this exercise. Also vary the direction of the stir and hold your muscles as tense as possible while you stir for optimal results.

Next, Chopping! Chopping is great exercise. Chop raw vegetables. Hey, chop cooked vegetables! Chop meat (before or after cooking). Chop your spaghetti. Chop your fruit (such as apples) into smaller portions. The possibilities for chopping abound; it just takes a little creativity. However, chopping frozen food is not recommended (yes, this includes ice cream). Chop, chop!

And here's something we mustn't forget: Canned Weights. Who doesn't get reminded every shopping trip just how much that canned food weighs? It can really add up! B.J. recommends storing canned food in a lower cabinet. Then the task of retrieving cans is combined with squats. Hold cans either straight down, straight out to either side, or straight up in the air as you rise from the squatting position. This exercise can be done holding multiple cans or repeated for each can required for your meal. Another option is to get out more cans than are needed for the meal and then perform reverse squats to put the extras away. Of course, I just made up the term "reverse squats." You'd have to figure out what that looks like for yourself.

If an item is stored too high to reach it, and you go to get a chair or a stepstool, this is an excellent exercise opportunity as well. Carry the entire chair as close to your shoulders or as high as you can, and vary the lifting so that sometimes you lift from the top and sometimes from beneath. Another way to exercise with a chair is to push and pull it away from and toward your body as you walk to the cupboard or pantry. With creativity, you may find even more uses!

We hope you have enjoyed learning several new ways (of many) to utilize your kitchen time and resources! We may explore more of them in the future. However, practice these for now and see what kinds of results you obtain! Happy ~~cooking~~ exercising!

On my mind today:

2009-11-04T17:40:00.002-05:00

1. I did it again! I believe it might be a good idea to hire a personal shopping guide or someone who fits into that category. Or start making menus. Meh. I have had a can of chopped clams sitting in my cupboard for at least a month now, maybe two. I don't know what I thought I was going to make. Clam chowder? Is clam chowder made with chopped clams? What else are clams used for? WHY would I do something like this? Sometimes I don't even make sense to myself.

2. The guy who lives upstairs has become rather noisy the last couple of weeks. I barely noticed him before, but now I know when he's watching tv and everything because I can HEAR it. Then last night I went into my room to start winding down for bed when I heard him again! I don't know if he was just snoring or having a bad dream or what, but he was moaning pretty loud. And eventually it sounded more like growling (so snoring, maybe?). Perplexing.

3. I discovered something I like about my roommate (yes, it's been one of those years. And a half.). We're just really different, and I drive her nuts too. But we've been getting along a lot better lately, and she does have many good qualities - don't misunderstand me. Anyway, on to what I really like about her: she is almost constantly ordering packages - books and such for school. The reason I'm such a fan of this is that each of the 1 - 3 packages per week is usually delivered by the same UPS man! Woo woo! I like to answer the door when he comes. And I'm usually the only one home when this happens so it's never an issue. He is very nice to look at and jokes around with me when I complain that the delivery is not for me. He has a nice smile. And face. Alas, I have discovered that he is married. And has daughters old enough to be cheerleaders. But I can still appreciate, can't I?

4. I'm contemplating two new song parodies to write sometime in the near future. The first one will be "When I'm Six Foot Four," based on, yes, "When I'm 64" by the Beatles. I'm leaning towards basing the other one on "Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man." "Hey, Mr. UPS man, bring a box for me..." Eh? You like? Any other/better ideas? I am wide open.

5. I've been having weird cravings for random foods lately. Like hot dogs. But I'm afraid to go buy any because I know they'll end up just like my spaghetti. Probably rot in the fridge or something.

There was some other stuff, too, but I just feel like writing this and that's all. I'm sure I will have more to write about soon!

It was a dark and stormy night...

2009-10-15T23:21:00.002-04:00

No, not really. I mean, it was dark, of course, but not stormy. Just cold. But, I had chosen to be a ballerina and a ballerina I was going to be, cold or not! I grew more excited with each stop around the neighborhood as my plastic trick-or-treat pumpkin filled up with more delicious candy to be enjoyed later that night and for days to come. (Some of my friends could make their candy last for weeks or even months. Not me. Just days.) Finally we came to the House. The House where it all began. The House that brought horror and traumatic memories to each subsequent Halloween night...
The line stretched from the front steps through the antechamber deep into the shadowy blood-colored core of the House. I passed cobwebs, candlesticks, giant spiders, and possibly various fake dismembered limbs that nonetheless looked real to a small child. I trembled more with each step as through the flickering candlelight I approached the huge vampire-looking creature in the big throne-like chair. My heart raced as he reached his long, black-robed arm toward my trick-or-treat pumpkin. He dropped in a candy bar. I turned and pushed my way as quickly as possible through the waiting throng, barely noticing that it was getting harder and harder to move.
"WHO'S TAKING MY SPIDERWEBS?" boomed a voice behind me. I looked down in a panic to see fake cobwebs entangling my ballerina tutu. Hands reached toward me. I pushed them away, pried my tutu away from the cobwebs, and ran out the door.
I believe it was shortly after this time that I quit ballet class, but I can't be certain. To this day, I don't know where this house was or even who lived there. For the record, I wasn't actually that traumatized. Just scared. I had many enjoyable trick-or-treat adventures for years to come. But, for some reason, this is the Halloween moment I remember the most - my most vivid childhood Halloween memory. Good times, Utah. Good times.

Birthday Card Sampler

2009-05-31T22:55:00.008-04:00

I just realized I have lots of friends with birthdays in June. One of my favorite things to give to people on their birthdays is a stack of homemade birthday cards. You may be picturing those cute professional-looking cards that some people make using printed card stock and cute little beads and ribbon. My cards are not cute. They are random and weird, but I do put a lot of heart into them. I'm not sure how this hobby developed. I know one big source of inspiration is the line of "Fresh Ink" cards from Hallmark. They make me laugh. Another inspiration was a book my friend gave me for Christmas one year. Basically, I find a picture in a magazine that stands out to me, glue it on some construction paper, write a clever caption, trim the extra paper, and end up with:

Or...

or even...
In case you can't read this one, it says: Some people just feel like they have the whole weight of the world on their shoulders. But not Arnie. He knows how to say "happy birthday" in a big way, even if it means dressing up in giant blue inner tubes.

And then sometimes as I go along, I get more inventive and add even more random details and stories:

I have so much fun making up names for the people in the pictures.

This picture cracked me up because in the upper right hand corner they printed this: A volunteer scouts the elusive snow leopard from the Altai Mountains.

What's great about homemade cards is that the whole thing is one big personalized message. It's so easy to include meaningful words and phrases or inside jokes, such as "they chimed in unison."

And, finally, my personal favorite of this batch:

I'm crossing my fingers, of course, that the person who receives this card has, in fact, read the book "Caps for Sale" and will therefore appreciate the quote from it.

And there you have it. I might make a couple more, then it's just a matter of deciding which cards go to which friends and then sticking them in the mailbox!

Beautiful Giving

2009-04-18T11:21:00.002-04:00

I just feel like sharing this article I saw yesterday. It is awesome! And when I say "awesome" here, I mean I am truly in awe. I am so impressed that someone (or a few someones) was/were so generous, especially these days. It seems like most of the country is going through a 'hoarding' phase, only interested in saving THEIR stocks, THEIR bank accounts, THEIR lifestyles. And I can't blame them. I'd sure like to have financial success and stability, too. That's why I'm so amazed that someone would contribute this much only to the success of others.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090416/ap_on_re_us/mystery_gifts

Recycling and other acts of kindness

2009-04-14T21:21:00.002-04:00

I finally took in my recycling a couple of weeks ago. After I got it all sorted I decided to take some pictures to show off the beautiful finished product AND to show how much stuff I saved from going into the landfill. So here ya go. First up:

Okay, judging from the number of milk jugs, I would say that this represents roughly three months of consumption. There are a few things from my roommate in here, but most of it is mine. So we'll call it: three months, one and a half people. If statisticians can do it, so can I. Anyway... We have milk jugs, soup/vegetable cans, paper, cardboard boxes from mail packages, and paperboard boxes from crackers, granola bars, toothpaste, contact solution, etc.

The middle stack of paper consists of white computer-type paper -- junk-mail letters, things I didn't mean to print, used notebook paper, and so on. The stack on the right is magazines and the glossy magazine-type ads. The stack on the left is newspaper. It doesn't look like that much until you realize that we don't even take a newspaper; this is all stuff that came in the mail (ads, etc.).

Here we have a beautiful aerial shot, with the cans sitting strongly in the center, the milk jugs on the right, paper stacked neatly on the left, and the paperboard spilling out everywhere else. Oh, and look at the cute little egg carton!

And here it is all neatly packed up and ready to go to the recycling center, with the milk jugs standing in the front like luminaries lighting the way to a greener and more peace-filled life. The boxes also stand to remind us which mobile network gives you more bars in more places...

Yeah. So, for some reason I feel like encouraging everyone to recycle! If even just a few people save what recyclables (if that's even a word) they can from going in the trash, just picture how much landfill space will be saved. Just save milk jugs, cardboard, cans, and junk mail. You don't even have to cut the little plastic windows out of the envelopes so the envelopes can be recycled... like I do... I guess I've made it into some sort of twisted hobby. Seriously. I look around the house sometimes wondering what I can recycle. It's kind of like when I was little and didn't understand the concept of tithing yet... so I just grabbed up all the change I could find and handed it to the bishop. Um. Moving on...

And here's where the quasi-philosophical part comes in. Did you ever wonder how to make a difference in the world? It isn't by doing something big. Big opportunities don't come around very often, and they're easy to miss when they do. And while the big things have a big impact, so do the small things. How, you ask? Because the little things touch individual lives, and with individuals it can go deeper. It's kind of like the difference between sending an email to everyone in your extended family saying something like "just wanted to let you all know I love you" - (which is wonderful and nice) - and sending an individual card or making a phone call - which tends to be more meaningful to that individual. I have no idea how I got to this from recycling. I'm completely baffled right now. Free association. Apparently.

And I just wanted to tell you all that you're terrific~!

Pantry

2009-03-24T22:48:00.003-04:00

Today I am writing about something near and dear to my heart, and its name is . . . food! So, I ran out of macaroni noodles the other day, which I use to make my very favorite pasta salad. And right away I said to myself: I'd better go get some more macaroni noodles. This is fine, and logical: run out of something = go get some more. Yes? Yes. Only here's the only problem: I still have about 4 pounds of spaghetti, probably 5 pounds of potatoes, innumerable cans of soup, frozen vegetables, blah, blah, blah. So why is picking up more macaroni so urgent? Answer: because I like it the best. And so, the REAL question is: why bother even buying things like spaghetti and soup that I probably won't eat unless I happen to run out of macaroni noodles? Is it to pretend I have variety in my diet? No, I do eat foods other than pasta salad. Maybe it's just the spaghetti I hardly eat. Anyway, I've just realized what a waste it was to even buy that spaghetti when I would rather just use the macaroni. But I've bought other things that I never really get around to eating. Like certain kinds of soup. Or carrots. Maybe I had intentions to be healthy, then just decided to bag it and go with the pasta salad. Or the rice. But not the spaghetti (spaghetti = Brittney is DESPERATE). I do eat broccoli, though. And the occasional squash. And ice cream, of course ("Oh, no, I'm out of pasta. Can't make my salad. Guess I'll have ice cream."). And I bake! I made bread just the other day. And sometimes I have chicken or casserole like shepherd's pie. And so I ask myself again, Why not just buy the food I know I'm going to eat, cut down on cupboard clutter and save some money? And I'll tell myself when I'm shopping, This might look good right now, but will you really feel like eating it in a week? That should do the trick.

Well, now that I've written way too much information about myself and my eating habits, I will just go ahead and close. And leave you all to imagine what you would take out of my pantry if you lived anywhere near me. I would happily share my spaghetti. Or my carrots. Or my cream of celery soup. Or baked beans. Or tuna... Ack! Too much information again! Well, just so you know, I would even share my pasta salad.

I'm just so curious...

2009-03-18T23:57:00.003-04:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mVEGfH4s5g

While I'm certainly not a huge fan of the costumes nor of all of the dancing, some of the choreography is quite impressive. And it's a catchy tune. However, these are not the reasons I'm asking you to watch this video. I posted this for one reason and one reason only. Pay close attention, because this is very important: WHY is Beyonce wearing a big, weird, ugly, robot hand thing? Whoever can give me the best explanation to this gets a prize. I, for the life of me, CANNOT figure out what a robot hand has to do with a ring, being single, putting your hands up, or ignoring your boyfriend. Nope. Don't get it. Does anybody have any ideas? I really will be giving out a prize.

2009-03-06T18:00:00.001-05:00

Indiana is amazing today. It's so much easier to be here when the weather is nice like this. That's all. I just appreciate good weather. Also, I am getting caught up on life, at last. And it is good.

It's finished!

2009-02-21T13:44:00.005-05:00

Wow. I've been working on this song since about 2002. The chorus came naturally and almost immediately, and the first two verses were fairly easy to come up with. That third verse, though, that's the one that's been hanging me up for years, and the song was desperately incomplete without it. However, after much deliberation I have FINISHED THE SONG! It's a really simple, cheesy, cowboy-chord tune, but I've had a lot of fun with it. It isn't as funny to me as it once was, but someone might still get some enjoyment from it.
Anyway, the song is called Old Fashioned Guy. The inspiration came one night, as cheesy as it sounds (though fitting), while I was walking home from class - literally walking down the street. As I walked, this guy I'd never met before was coming the other direction. As he got close to me, he smiled and nodded then touched his hat to me! So 1940's! But cute. I really did appreciate it and felt honored. But that's just me. Sooo... I wrote this song about appreciating an old fashioned guy, while acknowledging that if he went overboard it could get a little silly. You'll probably be able to tell how relieved I was to finally finish the third verse - rhyming and everything goes right out the window.
Oh! And I'd love any comments about how the song could be funnier, any possibility for additional verses, how to improve my diction... Yeah. Enjoy my celebrational video! Just push pause over on the music player, then you'll be able to just hear the video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd9eFw5EeXI

Okay, okay. I couldn't find the file to upload from my computer, so I put it on YouTube. Pathetic. If it wasn't for the fact that I want to share the song so badly... Well, there you go. I'm now on YouTube. Bleh.

Name Game

2009-02-19T21:05:00.003-05:00

It's not that I have a ton of extra time on my hands. I'm just as busy/not busy as the next person. It's just that occasionally (or more) I choose to do things with my time that are rather random and odd. Like coloring nonograms almost until morning. Or spending hours surfing YouTube. Or disco dancing in the kitchen. Or attempting to juggle egg shakers. And others I won't go into. Now, the average person might be embarassed to admit some of these things. But I figure that anyone who is actually reading this knows me well enough that they're not surprised by any of it.
I went to South Carolina with my friend Angie last weekend and had a great time. I met her family and saw some cool stuff. But the main reason I mention it is that in one of our conversations in the car we talked about what our names mean. Now, I've looked into this before. I already knew that my first name means "from Great Britain" (or Brittany in France, but my parents meant Britain), and my parents named me that because so many of our ancestors were British. Then a few years ago, in college, I had the following conversation with one of my dear friends:
Friend: What's your last name again? (this was when we were getting to know each other)
Me: Mortimer.
Friend: Doesn't that mean 'death'?
Yes, we're still friends. However, the conversation prompted me to research exactly what my last name does mean. My favorite definition is "one who is like still water." Alternate definitions include "dead sea," "stagnant water" and "someone from a still pond." Today was the first time I'd looked up my middle name, though. Jean is actually the feminine form of John, which means "God is gracious."
Back to my opening paragraph (in case anyone wondered how it tied in): Once I had this information, I decided to make my name into a sentence. I don't know why. It's just what my mind does. Go with it. Here are some examples of sentences I made from the meaning of my name (meanings of my names???), or what my full name actually means.
God is gracious to someone from England who is like still water.
God is gracious to someone from a stagnant pond in Great Britain.
When I am still like a pond, I feel the grace of God, and I'm also British (although all 3 of my names are originally French).
God is gracious from England to the Dead Sea. (And everywhere else, too, but apparently these places are important to me.)
And here it is with the names in order: I am a person from Britain to whom God has been gracious, who is like still water.
It will be interesting to see how my married name adds to the sentence, whenever that happens. We will see.

Small World

2009-01-01T17:56:00.006-05:00

My journey began early on the morning of December 29, 2008. When I say early, I mean my alarm went off at 2:30 in the blessed a.m. I said goodbye to Trevor and Lindsey, and we were on our way to Salt Lake International by a little after 3:00. I had a small moment of panic when I saw I had two receipts in my hand instead of a boarding pass, but then we found it. It had printed later. All was well. I did my best not to tear up as I hugged my parents goodbye. I cry so easily these days. I don't know what it is. Then I headed through security. No turning back now. Well, I did turn around for one last look at Mom and Dad, but I didn't see them. I continued to my gate and boarded the plane back to the real world. At first it looked like I would have three seats all to myself (it's happened before), but I was not that lucky. No laying down for me. I slept as much as I could, but sleeping upright on an airplane isn't that restful. Still, before too long we had touched down in Minneapolis. I know what you're thinking: "BJ, what were you doing in Minnesota? You live in Indiana." Yes, I do live in Indiana. I was merely changing planes in Minnesota.

Well, the plane had left Salt Lake a little bit late, but we still landed in Minneapolis at 9:30. I wasn't too concerned until I looked again at my boarding pass and saw 9:35 printed there. Panic REALLY set in! The door hadn't opened, nobody was moving, and my plane was scheduled to leave in 5 minutes! I decided to just relax, as there was nothing I could do. They'd wait for a connecting flight, wouldn't they? I knew it would work out somehow. When the door finally opened, and I FINALLY got off the plane, I looked around for my flight. I didn't see it, so I walked over to the screens and found it on there. Departing to: Chicago O'Hare... gate number... leaving 10:05 (phew!) Wait... "on time?" I looked at my boarding pass again. Oh, BOARDING at 9:35. I still had time! I walked as fast as I could through the airport... until I suddenly saw a familiar face coming the other way. A familiar face at the Minneapolis airport? But it was - a friend from high school. He was on a stopover on his way to Boston (where he now lives). We talked for a minute and then both rushed on to catch our planes. I realized after he left how I did not look too cute (owing to the early morning & sleeping on the plane). I also might have been shouting a little bit as my ears had not yet adjusted. Still, he was very nice, which I appreciated. So, you never know when or where you will run into someone you know! Even in Minnesota.

Christmas with the Family, and "The Bird"

2009-01-01T16:33:00.004-05:00

I just got back the other day from spending a fantastic week in Utah with my fantastic family. In addition to consuming more soda pop and junk food than I've probably had in the last year, I met up with friends and extended family, went shopping with my mom, played Rock Band with Trevor and Lindsey, put together our yearly puzzle with my dad (though he did most of it), and ate grilled hamburgers by candlelight on Christmas when the power went out. I also met my brother Darrin's fiance, Katie, for the first time. Yes, my brother is engaged. Yes, he is six years younger than me. Yes, I'm a little jealous.

One of the more exciting events from my vacation involved a bird. I love birds. Anything involving a bird is classified as exciting in my book. Anyhow, my dad came in from shoveling snow Saturday night holding a bird in his hands. We guessed it was just really cold and maybe hungry, so we put it in a box with cloth, seeds, and water. It was so sweet! It let us pet it and hold it and everything. This wild bird was calmer than either of my pet birds. From looking at web images of birds, we figured it was probably a horned lark, pictured here:

We didn't get a picture of the actual bird because, well, we didn't think of it then. But it looked a lot like these. After church on Sunday, we decided to see how the little guy was doing. We noticed it hadn't really eaten anything or had any water. As I held him, I decided it must be a fairly young bird, or else just really weak. It kept opening and shutting its beak, but just barely. We gave it some water from a medicine dropper but couldn't get it to eat anything. As I set it back down in the box, I noticed he had only put one foot out, so I picked him up again to straighten his other foot. That's when I saw that...

"Hey, he only has one leg!" I said.

"How'd we miss that?" said Trevor.

"Let me see," said Lindsey.

Lindsey was in the process of putting the bird back in the box after looking at it when my mom came in.

"Show Mom how he only has one leg," I said to Lindsey.

"Uh, he's not moving," said Lindsey.

Okay, so it's kind of a morbid story. But I didn't know how else to end it, other than at... the end. It was fun to have a nice bird for a day or so, anyway.

I left early on Monday morning to come back to the real world. When my parents told me earlier in the week that they wanted me to come back and stay, I said, "Okay, I will if I can eat your food and let you pay all my bills." My dad said, "Okay." But somehow I didn't think he really meant it. So I came back. Sigh. Maybe next time, when I have less bills, I'll take my dad up on his offer.

Where is the love?

2008-11-30T18:22:00.003-05:00

While driving home from Chicago yesterday, I saw a disturbing billboard. It advertised a website for legal advice and was called thus: whocanisue.com. In case it's hard to read that sentence, I'll break it up for you: who can I sue - dot com. How disappointing is that? How angry and untrusting have we become that so much of our society is on the lookout for ways to sue and/or avoid being sued? Do we really love money more than we love people? While an easy way to find an attorney would be appreciated some cases, why say it like that? I honestly was not aware that so many people have become this hungry for a taste of the legal process. Or is it just Chicago attorneys stirring things up? Who can say? What I do know is that it's more important than ever for me to make sure my intentions are clear. It's more important than ever to 'show the love,' for lack of better phrasing. It's more important than ever to reach out and show as many as possible that goodness still lives in this world. Then at least people in my little world will know. I do love.

Chicago trips

2008-10-26T17:25:00.008-04:00

About once a month, our branch organizes a trip to Chicago to go to the temple. Our September trip probably had the biggest turnout I've seen in the year that I've been here in Fort Wayne. Here our some pictures of the group that went in September:

Since we usually go to do baptisms for the dead, a few of us decided to go over to Chicago yesterday for an endowment session. Having the big group in September was fun and unifying and strengthening. However, I also appreciated that yesterday there were only three of us. It was a little more relaxed, we were on our own schedule, and we didn't have to follow another car. It is a stressful situation to caravan through Chicago, highway or not!

After we left the temple, Nathanael said he was hungry for some Chicago style pizza. Grant and I were hungry as well, so we readily agreed. Following Nathanael's GPS, we navigated over to Giordano's for some famous stuffed crust pizza. According to Giordano's menu, the pizza sauce is also famous, and the thin crust is not less famous. Nonetheless, we went for the famous stuffed crust, pepperoni.

This is our amazing pizza.

For those of you who have not experienced Chicago pizza, there are 2 layers of crust which are stuffed with the pepperoni and lots of mozzarella cheese. Then the top is spread with tomato sauce, complete with chunks of tomato - almost like having another topping. It is delicious.

Here's Nathanael getting another piece. Look at all that cheese!

And here's my first piece. Yummy!

Yes, we got one pizza to share between myself and the two boys, and there was still 1 piece left over! (Plus the rest of my 2nd piece). HUGE amounts of food, here! And I was almost able to hold my own. Nathanael won - he finished 3 pieces. But he is 6 foot 8, so he had an advantage. Grant finished 2, and I ate almost 2. We left with full bellies and smiling faces, despite the fact that parking cost almost as much as the pizza.

Then we drove home. It was a happy day.

Life Questions

2008-08-31T19:40:00.015-04:00

Clever people seem not to feel the natural pleasure of bewilderment,
and are always answering questions when the chief relish of a life is to go on asking them.

-Frank Moore Colby, “Simple Simon” The Colby Essays (1926)

The following are just some of the wonderings of my mind lately. Just for fun. Feel free to answer them if you'd like - I'd love to hear anyone's ideas. But mostly it's just fun to ask the questions. Oh! If anyone has any random questions to share, I'd love to read those, too!

If I spilled vinegar on my hands and then washed them using cucumber scented hand soap, would I smell like pickles?

If I dropped my keys into this container, would I ever be able to get them back out?

Where does the term 'real estate' come from and what does it mean?

Are 'moth' and 'mother' really derived from the same root word? Because that would be tragic. They're not alike at all.

How do actors know how to get their faces to look a certain way? Do they practice making faces like I practice playing the piano? How do they know what muscles to use?

Birthdays are great, but why not celebrate even more stuff, like First Steps Day or First Complete Sentence Day?

Would I rather make a difference or make a contribution? And, how do I know whether or not I am doing either?

Am I anti-romance (novels & movies) because I don't like to see it or because I think I can't have any? Or for some other reason? What do I even want?

Why, when I know it will gross me out, do I look at the roadkill anyway?

If you were a billboard, what would you advertise?

How many strangers' photos am I in, just because I didn't know they were taking a picture (note Cedar Point picture below)?

May this list bring you hours of joyful contemplation and maybe even a smile or two. Perhaps I will keep a notebook of questions to ask. That could be useful for many conversation starters, and I could really get to know a person. These questions go deep.

One Year

2008-08-21T21:32:00.013-04:00

How the time has flown! I have already been a resident of Indiana for one whole year! (And, please, no jokes about how I haven't written on the blog for what seems like a year). Well, I was going to do an amazing post about the highlights of the past year, new fun facts about Indiana/Fort Wayne, recent experiences, previously unlisted Quirks, blah blah blah. I'm just not that organized of a person! And so, in reconciliation, here is what I've come up with. I am going to list things as they come to mind, and you, the reader, get to decide what category they go in (categories may or may not be listed above). Sound like fun? Let's get started!

1. In Indiana (or at least Fort Wayne), butter/margarine is sold in square boxes. This was an adjustment after growing up with rectangular boxes. What do you mean, that's a strange thing to notice? Do you even know me at all?

2. My family came to see me a couple of weeks ago. We went to an arcade, mini golf (which is here referred to as "Putt Putt"), and a dollar theater (which is just like the dollar theaters out west, don't you worry). We also went to the Auburn Cord Duesenberg (car) museum and got caught in a violent downpour. It was fantastic just to BE with my family for a couple of days. Also, I discovered at the ACD museum that I enjoy looking at old cars. I never did go to the Cruise-In when I lived in Logan, so I just now found this out about myself.

This is Trevor and Lindsey at the mall. We had lunch.

3. This was a remarkably mild, pleasant, beautiful summer, weather-wise. Loved it. Basked in it - a couple of times, when I actually made the time for it. My new apartment complex has 3 swimming pools (plus a kiddie pool), and I have only used them once. Time for some time management, methinks.

4. Idaho and Utah radio stations start with the letter "K" (KLCE, KOSY, etc.). In the Midwest, radio stations start with "W."

5. I met a Boy. That's all I'm going to say here in case he ever reads this.

6. Cedar Point! I went with a group of friends a few weeks ago. This amusement park is famous for its roller coasters. I was also impressed with the log flume, which puts the Lagoon log flume to shame. It's also aptly named "Snake River Falls," which gives me another reason to love it. It has a huge 90 degree drop and makes an incredible soaking splash at the bottom. So much fun.

I realize this looks like a picture of a random Cedar Point patron, but in fact it is a picture of Maverick, the first roller coaster we rode. Notice the terrifying 95 degree drop, if you can see it. Fantastic way to start the day. I recommend it. Really gets the heart pumping.

This one's called the Power Tower. It's kind of like the Rocket at Lagoon, except this one has 4 towers. I did not ride it. I watched my friends ride it. I do not enjoy being launched or dropped, so I sat this one out.

So, to make up for declining the lunch-jolt Power Tower, I agreed to this guy:

It's the High Speed Dragster. It's 420 feet tall, and the trains get to the top in 3.8 seconds. (There is a train on top in this picture - in case you didn't notice it). And I called the other one a lunch-jolt. The worst part was standing in line, watching the other people go up screaming for their lives and come back looking like their lives almost got away. Then I did the ride and it was the best! It has a couple of little twisties in it, and it just feels like going really fast. I had a good time! Here is another view of it:

The only downside to the day was that right after we got soaked on the water rides we got caught in, yes, a violent downpour. Brilliant me didn't take a change of clothes, either, so I got to ride all the way home in wet jeans. Yes, it's a 3 hour drive. No, I was not happy. But it's a good story now, so I guess I'm satisfied.

7. When I moved to Indiana I lived here:

Now I live here:

Yep, they're pretty similar, even in the floorplan. I like the location of my current apartment a lot better, though.

8. I like some of the local lingo, such as "You're lookin' good" (it's a greeting, kind of like "good to see you"), but I refuse to call a vacuum cleaner a 'sweeper.' It's a vacuum.

9. I've been on a couple of hiking trips, and we're taking another one next week. The hikes here aren't as physically fulfilling as mountain hikes are, and the destination element is often missing - no top of the mountain to reach. But the scenery is beautiful - lots of trees, water, and green-ness. So it's still worthwhile. I like hiking here, too.

Love it! Treasure it! Embrace it! Life is amazing.

Today's Special

2008-07-15T20:11:00.002-04:00

Yes, today is special. Want to know why? Me, too. But I'm sure it is. Well, I just wanted everyone to know that I'm moving across town this week. I took a few boxes over last night and already found some bugs, so I sprayed insecticide all over the place. Emptied the bottle. My new apartment is almost exactly like my old apartment. The main difference is that there is only one entrance to the kitchen (the old one was a walk-through). Don't worry; I'll post immediately if I walk into the wall. Oh! And there is an actual pantry in my new apartment. Who loves food? Brittney loves food! AND - my new apartment has a washer and dryer! Right in the apartment! That is going to be so nice. My new roommate's name is Joanna, and she moves in sometime in August. So if you ever want to come to one of my imaginary parties, just let me know. But there are only a couple of weeks left!

My sad news is that my car got backed into on the 4th of July. All I wanted was to pick up a watermelon. Can't I keep anything nice? (The car is okay - there's just a dent in one of the doors). I'm just disappointed about the whole thing.

My happy news is that my family is coming to visit me in just 2 weeks!!!!! I am counting down the days.

My other happy news is that I still have ice cream. I think I'll go have some.

New Car

2008-06-13T21:59:00.005-04:00

Wow! Life has been crazy lately! I've been increasing my hours at work, looking for a new roommate/apartment, hosting an intern from BYU, and I've been called as the relief society president in my singles branch. Oh, and I bought a car. It was kind of a rash decision. I mean, I just decided to do it and then did it. I went to a Toyota dealer here in Fort Wayne and found out I could get a brand new 2008 Yaris for about the same price as a used car. So I went with the new one. It had 11 miles on it when I drove it away, and most of those were from my test drive. I was the only test driver - one of the perks of getting a stick shift. It's new, it's mine, it has a CD player, an MP3 jack, 4 doors, a high quality engine, and a watertight trunk (which was not a feature on my other car). Belvadere is still in the parking lot. I haven't sold him yet, but one of my neighbors expressed interest. We'll see. It's gonna be a fun ride.

Food for thought (or just food)

2008-04-28T18:47:00.000-04:00

This is a wide open post (plea, really) for advice and suggestions. Due to the traveling nature of my job, I rarely get an actual, traditional lunch break. I eat in my car between sessions. Due to eating in my car between sessions, I don't get to reheat (or heat) anything. Due to all my traveling, eating in my car between sessions, and only food that does not require reheating, I'm getting really sick of sandwiches. I mean, that's pretty much all I can come up with for a lunch. Once in awhile I get to go home or have time to stop at a burger joint, but usually it's sandwiches and accessories (like cookies). So - does anyone have any suggestions for something I could eat that does not resemble a sandwich? I'm really craving variety right now. Thanks, Friends!

Giant Ants

2008-04-24T13:38:00.001-04:00

For some reason I am fascinated with bugs. This is especially true when the bugs are somewhere they are not supposed to be, such as inside my apartment. Now, in this case, 'fascinated' is NOT the same thing as 'adoring,' 'sympathetic,' 'a fan of,' or even 'happy to see.' It just means 'interested.' I don't know, maybe my life is just that much wanting for drama. But tell me you wouldn't be interested if you discovered giant ants running around your kitchen and on the carpet. This is what I've been dealing with for the past few days:

The pictures are a little fuzzy because I took them with my cell phone. But it's still pretty clear how big they were.

For awhile I had high hopes that it was just a fluke and so killed them off one by one. Then, last night, it became clear that their numbers were increasing and so I trekked to the store to buy some pesticide. There are so many ways to kill bugs these days! I also had no idea how many different kinds of ants there are: Acrobat Ant Allegheny Mound Ant Big-Headed Ant Black Headed Ants Cow Killer Ant Crazy Ants Carpenter Ants Fire Ants Ghost Ants Little Black Ant Odorous House Ant Pavement Ant Pharaoh Ants Pyramid Ants Rover Ant White Footed Ants. Yes, apparently 'little black ant' really is what they are called. Not mine, though. I'm not sure what kind I had - my best guess is the carpenter ant. In looking at this list, though, I can name a few I'm glad I DIDN'T have! Well, it has been almost one day and I haven't seen any since I sprayed. Wish me luck!

Hey, What Happened?

2008-04-17T13:08:00.000-04:00

The real story: I pulled up to my client's house, noted my mileage, popped the trunk, got out of the car, and opened the back door to start loading up. 'Loading up' is how I get all of my equipment into the house in, preferably, one trip. It is not, contrary to popular belief, getting ready to shoot a gun. Anyway, so I slung my guitar across my back, slid my instrument bag & my CD player on my left arm, hefted my keyboard with my right arm, and walked back to the trunk to grap a couple of drums. As I lifted the trunk, I lost my grip on my keyboard and it slid with a sickening SMACK! - right into my jaw. I once learned the specific anatomical term during that class called Anatomy, but now that I've graduated I don't need to know it (i.e. 'cannot, for the life of me, remember'). Therefore, I will just refer to it as 'the part of my jaw just below my ear.' And so then I readjusted everything and staggered to the house wondering how big the bruise would be and what story I would tell people.

But that 20-pound keyboard didn't even leave a mark! I don't know why I'm disappointed. This way, there are no questions and no story to tell. I only posted the story here to pose the following: Why would I even make up a story? I have that tendency every time. Is it because I perceive hitting myself with a keyboard as less exciting than, say, being picked up and tossed by an unusually strong wind and landing on a mailbox? Would I really prefer to be seriously hurt? And what's this thing about battle wounds? Why was I disappointed instead of relieved that I didn't bruise? Is there anyone else out there who does this - glad to have a battle wound yet reluctant to say what really happened? I mean, sometimes I tell the true story, but rarely without at least some elaborations. I'm just wondering.

And in other news. . .
I joined a gym this week. You can call me Buff Brittney. Or just Brittney - but always remember that I am strong. I am invincible. I am woman (thanks, Helen). It's my first gym membership ever, and I am excited. I can see my muscles growing more defined already. Okay, not really, I've only worked out once. But I like to IMAGINE that my muscles are more defined already. . .

6-week update

2008-04-14T21:26:00.000-04:00

I received a text message from my blog today reminding me how neglected it feels. So, accordingly, I am here to amend my ways. I am now updating you, my blog. There you go.

Last week, I went ballroom dancing. Not only did I go ballroom dancing, I went ballroom dancing with a partner! It was the best dance I've been to in a long time. I've been getting really sick of dancing by myself - it gets old. I even learned two new dances - tango and west coast swing. And here's the best part: At the end of the night, he SHOOK MY HAND! I really appreciated that respect - and the corresponding lack of awkwardness.

In other news. . . well, other than the Beautiful Weather this week, there isn't much. I still have not found any available LDS males over age 23 within 3 counties. Maybe next week. Who knows? I'm still working - still employed. That's good news. I still have a home. My roommate and I saved $30 on our grocery trip this month. We were especially excited because we bought extra special things like: a pie, extra ice cream, fruit snacks, crescent rolls, chicken, cinnamon rolls (but not chicken cinnamon rolls)... well, you get the idea. Both of my birds are still alive. One of them hit the window so hard the other day that I got to hold him and pet him. No, I did not throw my bird at the window. He flew into it; wanted to go outside. I felt bad. But I was still grateful for the few minutes he was dazed enough to let me touch him. My bedroom is really messy. Oh, wait, that's not new. Um, moving on. . . Actually, that's pretty much all I have to offer for now. Life's just plugging along. It's fun. It has its moments. Moments to define sometime when I'm not about to fall asleep. That's all.

New Hobby

2008-02-26T11:25:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's hobby, not hubby. Believe me, I would have let you know before now. Moving on: I found a new activity that's truly enjoyable. I had a good time, anyway. Two things for you to know first: 1) This Saturday was 'Clean My Room' Day. No, Shelley, it's still not finished. However, it is looking better. 2) My friend Andi's birthday is coming up next week. So, as I was going through my stack of unread magazines (a.k.a. 'cleaning my room'), I started cutting out random pictures from the ads, etc. Random pictures to send to Andi! But it doesn't stop there. Oh, no, it does not stop there. My roommate let me use her construction paper to post these random pictures with clever new captions! Yes! Talk about letting my imagination run wild! It was the best weekend I've had in a long time. So, anyway, I'm mailing them to Andi for her birthday (they were all birthday captions). And since I had such a great time. . . I am not stopping there! Ha ha ha! So this is a warning to all my friends to check the mail! I just might be sending something. . . And remember what I talked about a little while ago, about laughing at myself? I have a new motto. Ahem: Some people may criticize me for laughing at my own jokes, but at least someone is laughing. Yes!

Good News!

2008-02-14T11:59:00.000-05:00

I finally got around to visiting the Fort Wayne Visitors' Center today, and you'll never guess what I found! No, no, you'll never guess, so I will tell you. Fort Wayne T-shirts! Yes! It's the most exciting news of the whole week! Better yet, they're actually wear-able T-shirts (meaning the colors and the design don't scream "45-year-old tourist"). No puffy flowers to be seen.

We got a little bit more snow, too, after the 3 inches from the Big Storm melted. It kind of even looks like winter!

The Big Storm

2008-02-02T10:58:00.000-05:00

I've heard stories for years about how winters in the midwest are so much worse than winters in Utah. Therefore, I, in my ignorance, assumed that people who live in the midwest would be used to it. Or that they'd at least be able to deal with it. Perhaps this manner of thinking stems from events in my childhood. In the part of Idaho where I grew up, the wind blows quite a bit. It's pretty much constant. Now that I've left Idaho, I'm not so tolerant of the wind. However, when I lived there, it was just another part of life. I didn't even notice it sometimes. We did have a lot of snow days in the winter, because of drifting...

Anyway.

You're probably wondering what all of this has to do with a big storm, and when I'm going to get on with it. Let me start at the beginning. Well, maybe not at the very beginning. Genesis can tell you all about what happened in the beginning. Okay, okay... 30 years ago, last weekend, the Fort Wayne area experienced a major blizzard. It snowed several feet in just a short time, people were stranded for days, people got rescued on snowmobiles, and so forth. I suppose that when the meteorologists predicted snow for this week, people's minds automatically raced back to that blizzard.

The prediction came on Tuesday or Wednesday. It was the regular media gimmick: "We're getting snow Thursday night. I'll tell you how much we can expect, at 11." By Thursday morning, it was: "...7 to 14 inches. We'll keep you up to date on any school delays and school closures." Thank you. I'm so glad you could tell me what's going on today. There was also, "For any of you who have to leave the house..." People were calling into the radio stations asking if they should stock up at the grocery store or not. I said to my radio, "Well, if you're almost out of food, then, yes, go to the grocery store. Common sense, people." Thursday night we watched those little news ads that say what's going to be on the news later. ". . . and as much as six inches is expected to fall. . ." My roommate and I rolled our eyes at each other. Ooo. Six inches. We're so scared. To be fair, I suppose that six inches would be an impressive amount to get in one night. But still. . . holing up in the house, afraid to go out? This isn't 1978, and even a foot of snow would not cut us off from civilization. No need to panic.

So, what was the final verdict? 3.3 inches. Yup. That's all. We brushed off our cars and went to work.

Going to the Birds

2008-01-18T18:33:00.000-05:00

Just after Christmas, my roommate and I got two finches from Heather's mom. We chose to get birds because (1) dogs and cats cost extra rent, (2) we didn't want the responsibility (or the mess) that comes with cats/dogs, (3) the finches were free (thanks, Heather's mom!), (4) for some reason I've always wanted a bird, and (5) Heather has experience.

We noticed right away that one of them is fully mature and acts like he's in charge - like the boss. We named him Jefe. Keeping with the theme, we looked up all kinds of Spanish words to describe the other bird, but none of them seemed suitable for a name. Finally, we gave up on themes and being cute and went with Gerald. It fits. Like a glove. If finches wore gloves.

Since they moved in with us, I've begun to notice some bird mannerisms (or maybe just Jefe & Gerald mannerisms) I never knew about before. For instance, yesterday, before I went to work, I refilled their water. Then, when I came home for lunch, I refilled it again because it was 'dirty' and getting low. Ten minutes later I heard one of them taking a bath in it. I started talking like they were children: "Gerald! I just refilled that! Why'd you take a bath now? I am apalled!" No, I didn't actually say that last part. It just seemed to fit. Like a glove . . .

My main goal for these birds is that we will be friendly enough that they will perch on my finger. Within their lifespans. I'd also like to let them out so they can fly around but still be able to get them back in the cage.

Little-Known Facts

2008-01-14T18:51:00.000-05:00

Well, I got tagged quite awhile ago, so I guess I will go ahead and tell you something . . . unusual . . . about me. Okay, here are six random, little-known facts about me:

1. I hate kissing...
I'm not sure why. But I was actually well into college before I quit covering my eyes during kissing scenes in movies. I pretended I was joking. But I really wasn't. I do have higher tolerance for it now, but it still isn't my favorite.

2. My decor of choice for my future home (currently, anyway) would be clocks.
I just like the way they look. I'm not obsessed with time or anything. They wouldn't even have to be working clocks. I would like them to be interesting to look at - some fancy ones, some colorful, some with no numbers... I just like clocks.

3. I like chocolate, but I would rather have caramel or something fruity
like gummy bears. But not caramel-covered gummy bears. That would be weird. Seriously, sometimes I feel out of place when other girls talk about how they love chocolate so much. I tell myself I have more refined taste. Or just different taste. Okay, I'm grasping here...

4. I still can't really whistle.
It's not that important. It would be nice to be able to whistle a song, though. Sigh. I'll just go play my guitar.

5. I laugh at my own jokes.
Okay, this one probably isn't so little-known. Just wanted everyone to know I am aware of this. I'm funny. I really, really am. Or I'm just making sure people knew it was a joke.

6. Sometimes I make faces at myself in the mirror.
I know it's kind of a four-year-old thing to do, but it's so much fun! Besides, that's how I came up with my famous froggy-face that my sister likes so much. What, you've never seen my famous froggy-face? Too bad for you. You're missing out. Ha. (That was sort of a joke.)

Unfortunately, I will not be tagging anyone as the majority of bloggers I know have already shared. If you would like to tell some random facts about yourself, that would be just delightful. But I'm not going to ask you.

Stay tuned for next time, when I aim to share something REALLY interesting! Yaaay!

Fort Wayne, City of Quirks

2007-12-26T13:22:00.000-05:00

That was a little play on words. Fort Wayne is actually the City of Churches.

Anyway, being somewhat aware of the quirks within myself (like my reflexive little yelps whenever I'm surprised, startled, or about to drop something), one of my favorite pasttimes (or is it past-times?) is to make a list of quirks about whatever city I'm living in. Here is my Fort Wayne list as it now stands:

1. The STREET NAMES!! I took for granted the straight, organized grid system of Salt Lake and most of Utah. Fort Wayne has streets that can change names at any corner, so watch closely! Yes, one street can have up to 3 or 4 names, yet there is Wayne Street, South Wayne Avenue, Swayne, and Wayne Trace (4 different streets, different parts of town). There is also St. Joe Road, St. Joe River Road, and St. Joe Center Road. Etc.

2. Wells Street. This is one of my favorite streets in Fort Wayne. I laugh almost every time I drive there and look at the business establishments. Here are some examples (remember they are all on the same street, a range of 3 to 4 blocks): S'all Good (consignment store), G.I. Joe's Army Surplus, Big Eyed Fish Bar and Grill, Great Panes Glass Co., Mr. Wimp's Diamonds... It's even better to see the real signs.

3. Print-outs at the library are FREE!!! Woo-hoo!!!

4. Many streets do not have gutters. The pavement and the sidewalk meet at a 90-degree angle. This is a problem, especially for a city that gets as much rainfall as Fort Wayne does. Where is the water supposed to go? One time we got six or seven inches in just a day or two. And there was much street flooding...

5. This city has an unusually high number of police officers. I'm not complaining; I feel safe knowing that. But it is what it is - a whole lot of cops.

6. I have been looking for Indiana or Fort Wayne merchandise ever since I moved here. All I can find, even in Wal-mart, is athletic team merchandise. Not even a lame Indiana tourist T-shirt with puffy flowers or something! I continue to search...

7. I haven't looked into this one much myself, but someone told me that the statue of Mr. Foster is not in Foster Park but in another park. And so on. So I've heard.

8. I've already dedicated a whole section of another post to the metal detector people. That will do.

9. The Welcome Mat People. These are actually some of our neighbors. It might be unusual and maybe a little rude to give them a nickname like that, but we (my roommate and I) still don't know they're names. We don't have another way to describe them. We call them the Welcome Mat People because they're the only apartment on the whole floor with a welcome mat outside their door. The reason I bring it up is that every time we see them entering their apartment, we get a perfunctory nod or smile, and then they hurry inside and lock their door as fast as they can. That's what's quirky about that family having a welcome mat.

10. Avenue is not abbreviated 'Ave.' It is 'av.' Let's not waste any sign space. They know this is South Wayne Av and not Wayne Tr. It's a totally different part of town.

Well, that is my list so far. I'll periodically list additional quirks as I discover them. Cheers!

Ugh

2007-11-14T20:39:00.000-05:00

I was facilitating a session today in a large room in a church. As part of the session structure, I had set out 10 or so blue rags, serving as scarves. About 3/4 of the way through the session, I looked over my shoulder. There, resting on one of the rags, was a remarkable creature. It was a creature unlike any I have ever seen. What shall I call it. . . 'Spiderpillar?' 'Caterspider?' 'Disgusting?' Yes, it was like a caterpillar with spider legs, or a big centipede with spider legs. It kind of looked hairy, and it was really fast. Also it crawled right out of an upright cup. I looked it up when I got home and found out it's a house centipede. Apparently they eat cockroaches and spiders, so they're good guys. Just really freaky the first time. Here's a picture I got online:

Don't be alarmed. They're actually harmless. But, boy, can they move! Yikes! What an exciting day! And, yes, I did have the willies for quite a while.

I guess this means I'm a grown-up.

2007-11-09T21:08:00.000-05:00

Yes, I finally gave in and turned on the heater last night. I wanted to hold out until December, or at least Thanksgiving, but going to sleep with two pair of socks, both long and short pajama bottoms, 3 - 4 shirts, a stocking cap, and sometimes gloves (while still pulling my 2 quilts over my head) was getting a little ridiculous. And I don't use that word lightly. That's the word my parents always used when I was in big trouble, and so I only use it if I REALLY mean it. Anyway, the thermostat said 58, but I think it was lying. Either that, or 10 degrees is actually a huge difference. In any case, I'm excited to wear normal pajamas to bed tonight. I might still wear the hat, though; it's comfy.

In other news, I am officially working full time! Yeaaay! I exceeded the minimum required client hours by a whopping 15 minutes in October. But it still counts. I am very thrilled. Especially for the paycheck part. And also for the insurance part. The strange thing is that I'm also very pleased about experiencing professional growth. It's strange because I never really wanted a career. I chose music therapy so that, since I'd be supporting myself, I could work at a job that I actually enjoyed (just a little fantasy I always had). But I never much cared about 'climbing the ladder of success' or progressing in a company or getting promotions or anything like that. However, I do enjoy my job, AND I enjoy being successful at it. I love honing my skills, finding solutions, getting better at what I do, and becoming more professional. I'm not sure if this is a new feeling or something I've always felt and just never realized. I mean, I've always wanted to do my job well, but this is a little bit more than that. Somehow. Maybe I've just finally come to accept my fate as a career woman and decided to make the best of it.

Also, my roommate and I went shopping last Saturday, so we have lots of food in the house! Including ice cream. Good times!

The Mysterious Regenerating Computer Monitor

2007-10-16T00:27:00.000-04:00

Whooo! It's almost forever and three days since I wrote on this thing! Did you miss me?

Well, I have great news, and those of you who read the title to this post might be able to make a guess as to what it involves! Yes! It does! Okay, a little background is in order. Ever since I moved to Indiana, the color on my computer monitor has been out of whack on account of being stored beneath my car speakers for four days on the way here. I'd become used to it after almost three months of strangeness when I look at the screen. I'd come to accept the fate of my poor computer monitor, doomed forever to display that weird computer-screen flower. But no! It was not to be as I had dreaded! I discovered last night that my screen has miraculously been healed! It is once again whole! Picture-perfect picture at last! Oh, the joy and happiness! And concern. Whoever heard of a computer monitor miraculously healing itself? How do these things come about? Did it get up and shake itself around in the middle of the night? Did an invisible computer doctor sneak through my door, unseen? What has possessed my electronics and possible even other items? Will I awake tomorrow to find a castle made out of videos? "We made you a tower!" As if that will bring me joy and happiness. Sure.

So, how is this experience a parallel to life? Life certainly has a way of dishing out frustrations that we just learn to deal with because, well, that's just how life is. So the situation isn't ideal, but we can adapt, move on, find new ways to enjoy life. Eventually, we hardly notice the irritation until one day we find that the plate of soggy, flavorless stroganoff and overcooked carrots has suddenly become cobbler and ice cream without any effort from us. And we say to ourselves, "Wow. That's weird."

Of children and husbands

2007-09-25T21:19:00.000-04:00

The other day (and I'm using the phrase loosely - it could have been last week), I saw such a cute little toddler coming down the stairs holding his dad's finger. Wait - are toddlers ever anything but little? I'd better start watching my adjectives. Anyway, when he got to the door, where I was, he lost his balance and grabbed my legs to keep from falling. When he recovered, he reached for my hand and just stood there, waiting for me to come with him. Well, needless to say, I just melted. Totally. I was a big melty puddle of sentimental ooze. Okay, so that's not such a pretty picture, but I wanted to hold his hand, pick him up, take him to the playground, read him a story...

My friends and I ate at Olive Garden on Friday night. Instead of flirting with one of the guys (although they were all years younger than me & not really my type) or looking to see if any of the waiters were cute, I was making faces at the little girl across from us. She was waving back and saying something; I couldn't hear her. It was probably something in baby talk that I wouldn't have understood, anyway. She was adorable, though. Even when she was fussy, although I probably felt that way because I was across the room and not with her when she was REALLY fussy.

I guess what I'm saying is that my heart aches to have children. The problem is that, although naturally I'm determined to get married before I have children, my heart isn't aching as deeply to have a husband. Why is that? I mean, I'd love to get married. It really is one of my goals. I've had my share of crushes in the past. I enjoy going on dates. Yet, my heart doesn't leap when I think about being married like it does when I think about being a mother. Why is it so easy to fall in love with every little kid I see but so hard to fall in love with just one man? Just one. Why is being married so much harder for me to imagine?

Well, there are probably lots of answers. Somewhere. Maybe timing is the answer. Maybe it's my attitude. Lack of faith? Desperation? Lack of desperation? Who can say?

And my other question is: What is it that I can accomplish now, as a single person, that I won't be able to accomplish when I'm married, and/or a mother? This time is special, and I long to enjoy it. And I do, but I so desire the other as well. And I suppose that's all in order. I just want to live life to the fullest and fulfil my potential, but where do I focus my energy? How do I distribute that? How much effort do I devote each part?

And that little boy really was precious.

Do I detect a . . .???

2007-09-08T17:36:00.000-04:00

My roommate, Heather, and I decided to go for a walk today in the park across the street. It was a little overcast when we left, but not too threatening, so we went ahead anyway. When we got to the park, we found an exercise circuit and decided to do that. I was such a wimp! The first one was a vault. The instructions said to jump over it, holding onto the bar, with my legs straight out to the side. I got over it the first time, but my other attempts were, um, comical.

Then we got to the gardens. Very pretty. There was a wedding going on there. I've never seen an actual outdoor wedding before. It was just like in the movies. We watched through the bushes.

By the time we got about halfway around the park, it had started to sprinkle. That's when we saw the treasure hunters. Yes, I said treasure hunters. About four people were walking around with metal detectors, occasionally digging in the ground with a spade. I'm pretty sure that wasn't the best thing for the golf course. But, just because I found it amusing, here is a song that I dedicate to them: http://www.studio360.org/episodes/2007/07/27 (scroll down to "metal detector", then fast forward it a little bit).

It started raining hard, very hard. We did a few more stations, chalking it up to experience: "We can say we exercised in the rain." Yes, we got soaked. Eventually, I gave up at the exercise stations and just watched Heather, telling her I was exercising vicariously through her.
All in all, it was a good walk. Oh, but don't believe what they say about mosquitoes disappearing when it starts to rain. I am here to tell you they do not. It had been raining hard for quite awhile before they finally left us alone.

Cheers!

Labor Day

2007-09-03T17:46:00.000-04:00

I have a confession. I worked today. Yes, I labored on Labor Day. I labored with my very hands. I'd like to tell you all how rewarding, fulfilling and encouraging it was, and how much it warmed my heart. But, alas, that would be lying. It was just another day of work, only more tiring because I stayed out so late last night with my friends who had today off. I'm not asking for any sympathy; I chose to work today. I'm just wondering what drives me to make these kinds of decisions. Of course I would rather have had the day off. It's always nice to have a break no matter how much I like my job. But I told myself it would just be a regular day. I told myself I wouldn't even notice it was a holiday. That's probably what did me in. At least I learned something from this. Labor Day is a day off from now on. Let us all appreciate and show gratitude for our holidays.

Speaking of holidays, if you are a holiday fanatic like I am (in contrast to what you may have surmised from my discussion above), I invite you to go to this website: http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays
It lists all the holidays, even the obscure ones like Pardon Day and Fight Procrastination Day, which are both coming up this week!

Love ya!

Welcome!

2007-08-27T17:56:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my blog, where I talk all about me! Wow, what an exciting topic! Well, let's get started right away!
Here I am in Fort Wayne, IN (or F-Dub to some of my friends). I recently, last week, celebrated the survival of my first month here! Hooray! I have a great apartment, a great roommate, a great job, great friends. . . it's just great.
And that's all I'm going to write for today. Keep checking back here for more posts if you want to read more about me!